Apologies for my absence in the earlier part of this week. I had no idea a sugar high could last three days. It's the mini eggs, they're so small that it's impossible to know how many you've had.

Nii-sama, thank you for your patience, although I am not quite certain it was necessary to stage an intervention. I was not a danger to myself and others, I was merely perky.

I notice the building is still operating on only one elevator. Clearly I was lucky to escape with my life.

Anyway, I'm back now and doing my best to catch up with the paperwork that the PR department has been helpfully leaving on my desk despite my lack of presence at it. Some of these deadlines were yesterday and my printer is flashing at me in the manner which usually means there is a problem.

Renji, I need my stapler back. You can bring it when you bring me the easter gift you said you left at home on Friday and really meant you wanted to wait until the sales to buy. The staff at home have stopped frisking me for candy every hour, now.

I filled in my psych evaluation form yesterday. May I enquire as to whether the compiler of the questionnaire passed their last evaluation with flying colours? The questions were ridiculous.

The combination of have you bought a weapon and do you dream about killing your co-workers? seems almost as inane as the checksheet they give you on flights. Are you a terrorist - Yes/No? Perhaps the idea is that anybody idiot enough to tick yes on their plane-sheets must be crazy, and the people carrying weapons to work form a potential terrorist threat. Now that might be a little bit smart.

Furthermore, I am suspicious of the impertinent questions regarding feelings. Who is not, on occasion, lonely, lethargic, frustrated, nervous or tired? The question may as well have been are you human? I am wondering if the revelatory intent lies with the 'no' answers. Are we attempting to weed out the psychopaths in our depths? It all seems rather extreme for an office job. Furthermore, we sell real estate for the dead. I am certain that if one of us was gunned down tomorrow by a disgruntled colleague they would at least be well provided for.

Ah well, it is not as though it will be the first wasted hour I have spent staring at ink blots until they form shapes, and apparently we get free candy. Is everybody aware of the impending arrival of Easter? I would suggest this is another excellent opportunity for copious amounts of sugar and rabbit themed paraphernalia. It falls on a Sunday, of course, so perhaps a full week of festive activities would not be uncalled for.

Nii-sama, I have taken the liberty of dressing those Chappy plushies I removed from your office last month in spring pastel colours and arranging them around the house along with baskets of brightly coloured eggs. I feel they add character to the otherwise drab decor. I hope this is acceptable.

( Private: )

...wonderful.

( Private to Kurosaki Ichigo )

The squelching noises coming from the corner cubicle are mine. Please do not investigate, it is only that the sudden rainshower at lunch caught me somewhat by surprise.

( private )

Please ignore any uncalled for noise / sailor-like cursing / whimpers of pain coming from my cubicle.

Tried to fix a printer jam. Think I may have lost a finger. Does blood come off paperwork?

( Private. )

Note to self: falling asleep in front of the Cartoon Channel is not a good idea. For some reason it switches to the Horror Channel after midnight; I was woken up at three am by the screaming of massacred nuns, and only discovered that my body had set itself firmly into the shape of the couch after I tried to stand up and landed flat on my face.

Matsumoto-san? If you wanted to come by at some point, the earlier part of the week is better for me.

( Private: )

What!?

Who schedules a virus? I understand that there are people in this world who find it amusing to mess up everyone else's hard work (as if computers can't do a perfectly good job of that unaided) by sending bugs or worms or other varieties of small creepy crawly things into the system. What I didn't realise was that they had a timetable.

Who are these individuals? What do their dayplanners look like?

Monday: Attend tabletop RPG. Bring Nachos + Cape.
Tuesday: Visit internet chat room. Pretend I have breasts.
Wednesday: Send out pathetic little virus that means Rukia will have to retype seven pages of copy.
Thursday: Star Trek marathon.

Well I'm giving up. I don't know how I'm supposed to make backups, or what they back up on to since surely another machine would only have the same problem. Maybe if I just don't turn my computer on tomorrow, everything will be fine.

I'm sick of arguing with that wretched paperclip, anyway