Private to that Nanami Chick

Why do you gotta get all up in my business all of a sudden, huh?

Private to the moron in the broomcloset

What?


I'm sorry, I don't recall wandering around telling complete strangers that you were a lesbian in need of a date.

Private to the psycho bitch upstairs

MAYBE YOU SHOULD. WHO KNOWS. MAYBE I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT.

Private to the idiot with no idea of boundaries

HOW IS THIS HELPING?

WAIT.

WHY DO I NEED HELP?

FROM YOU?

Private to the harpy who can't take a joke

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT AIN'T HELPING?! MAN I MEAN, LOOK, YOU WERE ALL MOONIN' AFTER ME THINKIN' I WAS SOMEONE ELSE SO I THOUGHT GEE, MAYBE THIS CHICK NEEDS A DATE. BUT SINCE THAT DIDN'T GO SO WELL, ESPECIALLY WITH THAT WHOLE DEAD WIFE THING, I THOUGHT MAYBE I COULD FIX IT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE SHIT SO SERIOUSLY.

Private to the fantasist who thinks he's funny

I had a crush. I don't actually think I am the first person to suffer with such an affliction. At least mine only moved departments, not countries.

Maybe you need the date. Should I leave a message with Yumichika?

Private to the chick who apparently has been inquiring about me

I think that'd bother me more if maybe I was upset about it. But I mean, hey, plaudits to you for finding out about it. It's not like she was also my CHILDHOOD FRIEND OR ANYTHING SO I'D BE UPSET IF SHE LEFT BUT HEY.

Dates are problematic. You know why? Because too many people are fucking morons. Who the hell is Yumichika anyway? Is this supposed to be a gay joke? I mean, I already made that pretty cliché.

Private to should you be allowed to work with early-onset alzheimers?

You told me, idiot. It was not much of a leap to assume there was more to the matter. And you never fixed my phone.

Yumichika is one of the receptionists. I was merely offering to repay your favour.

Private to the jerk who was making assumptions

You never brought your phone down. Can't fix it if I can't see it. And I ain't lookin' to be repayed--whether you're jokin' or not. Maybe shit got fucked up, and maybe "favor" was the wrong word, but I ain't doin' things lookin' to get something back.

Bitch.

Private to the jerk who made assumptions first

It doesn't matter, I think I have now managed to finish it off completely. It won't even ring - just gurgle.

So am I supposed to be thanking you for your generosity of spirit? You never asked if I wanted a date.

Imbecile.

Private to the retard who can't use a cell phone properly

Look--that's what happens when you try and flush it or take it in the shower with you. Don't get fucking cute with me--do you really think that's what I want? Does it seem like I go around fixin' computers and doin' random shit just so someone will be like "Hey, THANKS, Kurosaki"? 'Cause if that's what you think, don't bother talkin' to me ever again.

Do you want a date?

P.S. No one says "imbecile" anymore. That's so 19th century. Or maybe it's British. Which could be worse.

Private to Mr Selfless, saviour of the lonesome heart.

I assume You go around fixing computers because the people here pay you to.

Look. I understand what you were trying to do... with Kaien. I am aware that it was not intended maliciously. Why do you think I've been making the effort to speak to you lately? It's hardly for the benefit of my health. I'm just wondering if these kind of situations are going to become a theme.

My life does not revolve around the primal urge to copulate. So far as dating goes, I can happily wait until someone is interested. Do you?

P.S.
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Private to I feel the urge to speak in pointedly erudite language in order to avoid saying "fuck"

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY PAY ME? BECAUSE IT IS A CRIME.

So you're sayin' you're talkin' to me because you pity the fact that I tried to set up you and Kaien?

And datin' doesn't necessitate having sex, yanno. I have too many plans.

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Private to I apparently think good manners went out of fashion.

Do I work in payroll? Why don't you find somewhere better, I am certain computer skills are in higher demand than anything I am qualified for.

No, Kurosaki, I was talking to you to intimate that there were no hard feelings. It was an honest mistake, a ridiculously stupid but honest mistake.

Clearly we don't meet the same people. I am in no rush to involve myself.

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Private to seriously you are just a fucking pain and good manners are just a facade

WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD. Work in payroll. Uhh...what do you do here, anyway? IS IT ANYTHING USEFUL. It was good wine though, am I right? I mean, the guy at least shared the wine, right? AND THE RIBBON WAS PRETTY CLEVER. What same people ain't we meetin'? Obviously we'd be meetin' similar people as we apparently work in the same office building.

No rush, maybe, but you sure didn't mind looking. >D

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Private to no really, I have no repressed urges to curse like a sailor, it must just be you.

Entry level PR. Which is to say data entry and editing copy. Would you still like to bitch about your job?

The ribbon was masterful. Clearly your creative talents have been woefully overlooked. Maybe you should consider something more artistic. You could be a window dresser.

...No. I didn't mind looking at all. Pity you had to open your mouth, really.

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Private to you make me want to beat myself repeatedly with my lit textbooks and maybe a brick

Probably. I'm really good at it. If you've got somethin' that stupid and menial to do, why don't you come up with somethin' that'll make it better?

I mean, SERIOUSLY. I TOTALLY MEMORIZED ALL THE PANTONE COLORS. ISHIDA AND I COULD MAKE MILLIONS. THAT KID IS A FUCKING CALCULATOR.

...

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Private to do go ahead, it will save me a good deal of effort.

Generally I come up with ways of just not doing it. That tends to improve things quite a lot.

...I think maybe you do need something better to occupy your free time.

And I thought you appreciated honesty?

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Private to if you'd like it all that much I might as well not do it and further instigate conflict

Isn't that boring? Or do you use creative applications in order to achieve said state of worklessness? DO YOU PULL THE OFFICE SPACE PC LOAD LETTER NONSENSE? DO YOU FEIGN PAPER JAMS? BECAUSE THAT IS TRITE. I FIND TOTALLY SWEET AND/OR AWESOME WAYS TO OCCUPY MY TIME; IN FACT, I BARELY HAVE ANY FREE TIME I AM JUST THAT BADASS.

...that's honesty?

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P.P.S. ATTEMPT TO GET YOU DATE TOTALLY BACKFIRED. THIS IS NOT A COMPLETE LOSS YET.

You are a ridiculous, belligerent fool.

Does memorising the pantone colours count as sweet or awesome? I would like to know so I can consider my options after I'm done watching paint dry.

And I don't have to feign paper jams or machine failure. I don't have to do anything to send all localised appliances into breakdown, apparently. Unless you count looking at them.

It wasn't a lie. Nor an attempt to pay back your generous compliment. 'Not bad looking'?

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P.P.S. What?

Private to you're even dumber for egging me on

Totally. That shit comes in handy.

..is that like...a super power? Because if so, I totally need to borrow you for a project. Since you're apparently useless at your job anyway.

I am perplexed as to whether that is a subjective or objective observation.

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P.P.S. I SAID IT FUCKING BACKFIRED ALL RIGHT?! APPARENTLY UHHH...SHE IS NOT A LESBIAN .

Private to I'm not the one rising to it.

It may be a power. I am not sure one could accurately describe it as super. It would need to be a particularly destrutive project.

You say perplexed, I say stupid. Maybe you will never know.

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P.P.S. Nor am I, so it's not too great of a let down. Not a complete loss?

Private to some stupid twit who is likely going to prove to be endlessly frustrating

...I'm going to bed.

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Private to someone who could have apologised and ended this before it began.

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